What Have I Done?

It’s been just under 3 weeks since my surgery.  I’m feeling good and doing some light housework (dishes, laundry, straightening up, picking up Gigi’s toys with my “grabber”, cleaning Trip’s litter boxes, etc.) but still tend to feel low energy and nap almost every day.  The only exercising I can do is walking, which doesn’t make me feel too bad because I’m awful about working out.  I’m just not one of those people who get excited about it.  Although, since I can’t bend, I have to squat when  not using my grabber.  I squat when doing the dishes, putting Gigi’s leash on to take her outside, picking up after Gigi outside, picking up the grabber when I let it fall to the floor ~ you get the idea.  I don’t remember ever doing so many squats!  Working on the leg muscles.  

The only walking I’ve been doing is around my house including up and down the stairs.  I was just starting to think that maybe I would take it to the next level and walk around the neighborhood with Gigi, but then we got 7 inches of snow overnight.  I used the treadmill today for like the first time in forever!  I did three sessions (sessions?  Is that the right word?) of 20 minutes each.  Not bad.  

Can I just say I hate sneezing?  Nothing hurts like sneezing since my surgery!  I try everything to prevent it, but about once a day without fail I sneeze!  Breathing is a little hard, too.  Maybe I just have my back brace on too tight!  LOL!  I like the support the back brace offers and feel insecure without it on.  I don’t wear it to bed or to shower, but I wear it the rest of the time.  I’ve been trying to figure out outfits I can wear when I return to work that will best hide my bulky back brace underneath.  It’s not stylish in the least bit.  Logan at Stitch Fix would not approve.  What I think I’ll do is wear slacks with a loose fitting blouse not tucked in.  I probably shouldn’t wear heels yet.  Fortunately this is boot season.  

Speaking of work, that’s what I’m referring to when I say, “What Have I Done”?  Although Ray hasn’t come right out and said it, I feel he’s wanting me to return to work.  I’m just scared about how I’ll hold up.  The hardest thing with our job is never knowing how many hours the mediation is going to last.  Our longest was 18 hours!  I would die right now if I went 18 hours without laying down to rest!  Ray said Dr. Nathan told him I could return to work 2 weeks after surgery, which contradicts what he told me.  Dr. Nathan had told me that at 3 or 4 weeks I could try going back a few hours a day a couple days a week.  Our job doesn’t have a few hours a day!  I called the nurse at Dr. Nathan’s office today and told her I’m doing great, off pain meds and am wondering about going back to work.  She said I should probably wait another week or two before going back and then ease into it.  She said do half days at first.  She also said she’s happy to write a letter to my HR Department stating that.  Ha!  Ray is my HR Department and boss and everything else.  Should I have gotten the letter?  Anyhow, Ray has gone to bed tonight but I did leave a sticky note on his calendar that if the person filling in for my (Crystal) wants this Friday off, I’ll work it and see how it goes.  Really?  Three weeks post op?  What am I thinking?  Should I remove the sticky note before Ray sees it in the morning?  What if Friday’s mediation is ugly and goes all day and all night!  I had a dream a few nights ago that I went back to work and couldn’t figure out the computer and didn’t know how to do my job and it was so stressful!  What if I can’t breath?  What if I get that spasm in my right groin/leg again?  What if I’m so lacking on energy that I can’t do it?  What if I sneeze?  I don’t feel ready to go back, but here goes.  SCARED!  Maybe Crystal won’t want Friday off.  Maybe Friday’s mediation will cancel.  I never, ever, ever imagined I would be attempting to go back to work this soon.  Maybe I’ll get back on the horse and everything will be fine.    I’ll keep you posted.  

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